Couples Retreat

Not a real winner, but not exactly a complete dookie-shooter either. I saw it via one of those “What would you like to watch, honey,” kind of On Demand compromises that occur far too often in my house. While mildly amusing, I feel like they banged out the script in about 72 hours. Meh, it really could have been worse, I guess. It’s pretty standard Vince Vaughn/Jon Favreau fare here, though after nearly fifteen years, it’s starting to get a little played out. Hey, they mixed it up this time: Jon Favreau is the bad influence, and Vince Vaughn is the good guy. Holy crap, hold on to your horses, folks!! Look, clearly I’m being too hard on them; I just know that their talents and abilities far surpass what they did here. And honestly, I did have a couple (get it, a “couple???”…never mind) of good laughs throughout the film. If you’re looking for some easy, mindless quasi-comedy with shaky writing, then give it a spin. Just don’t go in expecting a laugh a minute a la Swingers, as I’m sure no one would. And, finally, Malin Åkerman is still hot.

Nightbreed

This was on Encore late last Friday night, and I caught it after a few beers and several scotches. Regardless, it immediately transported me back to my adolescence. I think I saw Nightbreed for the first time when I was about 13 or 14, and then it was just this awesome horror movie with tons of blood and guts and a crazy dark plot (way cool!). Watching it again, I could not help but notice that this movie was and is really a combination of blood-curdling elements that were successful in other horror films--a giant freak-fest-homage. Without spoiling it for you, there are bits of Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, The Lost Boys, and just about every other vampire and zombie flick ever made. What more could one ask for, you say?—David Cronenberg plays the lead antagonist. Bam. Signed, sealed, delivered. If you even remotely consider yourself a classic gorror film fan, you must see Nightbreed. Of course, I recommend going in slightly sober, so as to fully appreciate and enjoy what a symphony of gorrificness this little old school gem stands for.

Pirate Radio

Ghastly disappointing and contrived. The worst part about this movie is the potential one might think it could have: Great idea: broadcasting radio illegally from a boat off the coast of the United Kingdom…IN THE 60s, great cast: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, that British guy who’s in nearly all the UK films deemed good enough to be exhibited in the US (a.k.a. Bill Nighy), Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and a slew of others, great music: basically all the legends from the 60s. What you get, on the other hand, is a steaming piece of shit crapped out of a hairy ass comprised of terrible writing, poor execution and dreadful direction. I’ll go ahead and ruin it for you: the boat sinks, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman stays with it to the bitter end, a captain sinking with his ship “for the music,” only to pop up out of the wreckage like a dolphin to the cheers of his compatriots at the very end---imagine that (said with a disapproving Hitchcockian tone). The wife and I OnDemanded it, and the only piracy was the six bucks and the 90 minutes AT&T relieved us of in return. This film is not even worth the celluloid used to shoot it.

A Prophet

This little European gem of a film is somewhat reminiscent of American Me, only in French, with a cultural battle between Corsicans and Muslims instead of Hispanics and African Americans. Both films tell the tale of the making of a career criminal via state run correctional institutions, although A Prophet centers its story around the actual rise to power and not on what that power does (though you do perhaps get a window into the central character’s future via his mentor/predecessor/mob boss). That the story isn’t necessarily original, however, does not retract from the film’s overall appeal and success. In fact, I found it to be a compelling cinematic artwork of blood, murder, misery and struggle. I saw it at the Magnolia here in Dallas with a glass of scotch—which I also recommend, considering the film’s intensity. I admit, I knew nothing of the actors, director etc, and still don’t, but I was not at any level disappointed. If you are not abject to subtitles, then I highly recommend checking it out, though be warned, this flick’s a bloody one.

Vision Quest

Need an 80s kick? Want to see what Linda Fiorentino looked like in her 20s? Then this is the movie for you! Actually, Vision Quest is so much more than this. Let me put it like this, there is a scene near the end in which one character recounts his emotional experience while watching Pele do a live, in game bicycle kick on television. I won’t try to recreate here, but it is very moving. Noticing that my wife’s attention had been peaked at this particular moment, I simply looked at her and said, “Honey, THAT is sports.” Vision Quest is about sports. It’s about the physical, emotional and spiritual journey of the athlete as he/she attempts to break from the mold into realm of greatness. It’s also about life. In one way or another, all of us want to drop to 168 so we can wrestle Shute. It even has a Madonna cameo (she sings “Crazy for You”), but I personally was more excited about the Journey theme song. Check it out sometime on Demand or DVD. You won’t be disappointed!

Julie & Julia

This movie is definitely a “chic flick” as it where. Told nearly entirely from the perspective of the two women (Julie Childs and Julie Powell) and directed by a woman, Nora Ephron, the film doesn’t exactly scream “male buddy movie.” So, you can imagine my “excitement” when my wife, Michelle, dragged me to it, on a Sunday, the first Sunday of the return of the NFL. Being a good husband (too good?) I acquiesced, reluctantly. Much to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it (I know, I know, remove tampon now). Honestly, it is very well acted and the writing and directing aren’t too bad either. What’s more, Amy Adams’ character is a blogger who blogs to find some sort of sanity in her otherwise stressful chaotic life, so, I guess I kinda identified. Plus, if you like food, this movie is the equivalent of a foodie porno. Despite all this female energy being funneled into the film, something beautiful happens during the plot: I won’t say exactly what, but there is a fight between the Amy Adams character and her husband and, for the first time in movie history, IT’S TOTALLY HER FAULT. And, she knows it, as does the entire audience. It was refreshing not to have the guy cheating, or being the “asshole” and groveling for an apology, or leaving the woman to cope with the harsh world he’s left in behind in tatters. I’m not saying guys aren’t jerks sometimes or that it’s really always women who make relationships difficult (I’m not a misogynistic jerk—I went to Julie and Julia with my wife on the first Sunday of the NFL!!!), but it isn’t always the man’s fault either, as 90% of movies would have you believe. So, I recommend this picture…maybe not one for the typical guys night out (though there were a couple of guy pairs in the theatre), but certainly worth taking your sweetie to sometime. I would, however, recommend doing it on a night when football is not on.

Children of Men

I’m a Sci-Fi buff, so bear with me, but this movie is very good. It illustrates a chilling, not to distant future in which the human race loses the ability to reproduce. It’s incredibly real and terrifying, and the film does a good job exploring the possible social and cultural breakdowns that could occur under such circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, it has some cheesy moments (parts of the end are a bit on the contrived side), but they are very few and far between. The movie is also extremely violent, which didn’t at all bother me, but be warned. The performances are pretty good. Michael Caine is terrific, playing a character well outside his typical upper-class, elitist Englishman comfort zone. Clive Owen is good as usual, though he seems to play the same character in everything I see him in: sort of a dreary, dark, almost mopey intellectual who stands in between the fringe and mainstream of society. Regardless, he always pulls it off and makes it interesting, and this film is no exception. Obviously, this one isn’t in theatres anymore, but I recommend checking it out via NetFlix or OnDemand. It’s pretty hardcore, but intellectually compelling and frightening…very intense.