Couples Retreat

Not a real winner, but not exactly a complete dookie-shooter either. I saw it via one of those “What would you like to watch, honey,” kind of On Demand compromises that occur far too often in my house. While mildly amusing, I feel like they banged out the script in about 72 hours. Meh, it really could have been worse, I guess. It’s pretty standard Vince Vaughn/Jon Favreau fare here, though after nearly fifteen years, it’s starting to get a little played out. Hey, they mixed it up this time: Jon Favreau is the bad influence, and Vince Vaughn is the good guy. Holy crap, hold on to your horses, folks!! Look, clearly I’m being too hard on them; I just know that their talents and abilities far surpass what they did here. And honestly, I did have a couple (get it, a “couple???”…never mind) of good laughs throughout the film. If you’re looking for some easy, mindless quasi-comedy with shaky writing, then give it a spin. Just don’t go in expecting a laugh a minute a la Swingers, as I’m sure no one would. And, finally, Malin Åkerman is still hot.

Nightbreed

This was on Encore late last Friday night, and I caught it after a few beers and several scotches. Regardless, it immediately transported me back to my adolescence. I think I saw Nightbreed for the first time when I was about 13 or 14, and then it was just this awesome horror movie with tons of blood and guts and a crazy dark plot (way cool!). Watching it again, I could not help but notice that this movie was and is really a combination of blood-curdling elements that were successful in other horror films--a giant freak-fest-homage. Without spoiling it for you, there are bits of Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Exorcist, The Lost Boys, and just about every other vampire and zombie flick ever made. What more could one ask for, you say?—David Cronenberg plays the lead antagonist. Bam. Signed, sealed, delivered. If you even remotely consider yourself a classic gorror film fan, you must see Nightbreed. Of course, I recommend going in slightly sober, so as to fully appreciate and enjoy what a symphony of gorrificness this little old school gem stands for.

Pirate Radio

Ghastly disappointing and contrived. The worst part about this movie is the potential one might think it could have: Great idea: broadcasting radio illegally from a boat off the coast of the United Kingdom…IN THE 60s, great cast: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, that British guy who’s in nearly all the UK films deemed good enough to be exhibited in the US (a.k.a. Bill Nighy), Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and a slew of others, great music: basically all the legends from the 60s. What you get, on the other hand, is a steaming piece of shit crapped out of a hairy ass comprised of terrible writing, poor execution and dreadful direction. I’ll go ahead and ruin it for you: the boat sinks, and Phillip Seymour Hoffman stays with it to the bitter end, a captain sinking with his ship “for the music,” only to pop up out of the wreckage like a dolphin to the cheers of his compatriots at the very end---imagine that (said with a disapproving Hitchcockian tone). The wife and I OnDemanded it, and the only piracy was the six bucks and the 90 minutes AT&T relieved us of in return. This film is not even worth the celluloid used to shoot it.

A Prophet

This little European gem of a film is somewhat reminiscent of American Me, only in French, with a cultural battle between Corsicans and Muslims instead of Hispanics and African Americans. Both films tell the tale of the making of a career criminal via state run correctional institutions, although A Prophet centers its story around the actual rise to power and not on what that power does (though you do perhaps get a window into the central character’s future via his mentor/predecessor/mob boss). That the story isn’t necessarily original, however, does not retract from the film’s overall appeal and success. In fact, I found it to be a compelling cinematic artwork of blood, murder, misery and struggle. I saw it at the Magnolia here in Dallas with a glass of scotch—which I also recommend, considering the film’s intensity. I admit, I knew nothing of the actors, director etc, and still don’t, but I was not at any level disappointed. If you are not abject to subtitles, then I highly recommend checking it out, though be warned, this flick’s a bloody one.